Loveless: A Male-Male Forbidden Romance Read online

  My body has many colors. All are beautiful and all from a man with more experience than I have. I’m such a piece of shit. He cared. Anyone could tell. I’m not sure why, but I cared too. Even with us barely meeting, you couldn’t hide the way his eyes held me up and that nickname...

  Little prince.

  My body warms at the memory.

  I didn’t sleep at all, unable to get past the memory of us together and, to top it off, how I left. It shouldn’t bother me that we’re strangers and had a one-night stand of sorts, but somehow, it does. This hasn’t happened to me ever. Not a single soul in this shitty town has ever caught my attention, yet the single time I walked into that bar, lost and confused, a man as big and as powerful as him gave me a simple look and stole my soul in one night.

  Now, as I head to Prim’s house on zero sleep, feeling like shit, I hope I make a decent impression on her pops. I’m also praying she can’t somehow tell where and how my night was spent. I’ve literally got hickeys and bruises all over from Bartender. He took and gave and made me want the touch of no one else but him ever again.

  I’ll have to come up with some story just in case she asks, a lie to somehow not get a job with him. How would that work? My being employed by my best friend’s father while working with that man? It won’t work. I’ll be a mess, and they’ll all know something is up.

  Instead of my cut-off shirts, I wear a black Falling in Reverse hoodie with their last tour on the back and Everybody’s on Drugs on the front. Probably not the smartest move when I’m going to meet someone who I need to make a good impression on, but it’s my good luck shirt.

  If I show my neck at all, she would know. The only thing helping is the fact that the jacket covers most of my chest-to-neck area. Even still, there are colors everywhere. Marks. Tattoos from his mouth. My jeans, like usual, are ripped and skinny, and I’m topped with a beanie over my blue locks, hoping it will distract her from the hickeys under my ear where he wouldn’t stop caressing, sucking, and owning.

  That’s what he did.

  He owned every part of me last night.

  Seems like he hasn’t quite let me go, either.

  As soon as I’ve arrived at Prim’s, the anxiety comes rushing back. Everything depends on whether this man accepts me. My own father wouldn’t, so why would this complete stranger?

  Her Tesla is parked in the drive. A huge truck that looks like it’s meant to be in a competition is parked next to it. I wonder if he has something to make up for with such an unnecessarily large vehicle. That’s what they always say, at least.

  Parking on the curbside of their house, I breathe out a shaky sigh. It’s full of angst, despair, and a lot of desperation.

  My mind travels to where life will lead if this plan doesn’t work. I wonder how long it’ll take for my dad to turn off my phone. I’ll have to get a new plan. School starts soon, and I’m nowhere near being prepared. Luckily, the deadlines for financial aid happened last winter, or I’d be shit out of luck for money. Valley West doesn’t have on-campus dorms like normal universities. The housing is through a nearby complex. It’s way too expensive. Staying with Prim and her dad will save me.

  If it happens, at least.

  Their house is much bigger than Prim made it seem. It’s modern, and the bottom half of the house is layered in stones—river rocks, I think. The top almost looks tiled in slabs. Its cool gray tones and shuttered windows make it appear as the perfect house. The front door and garage one are both black, and the pillars leading to the entrance give it a grander appeal. Prim never said her dad was loaded.

  As I raise my hand to knock, the door opens. Her cotton candy pink hair greets me. It’s in piggy tail braids today. Her face is makeup-free, which is a nice change. She usually goes for a glowing angelic appearance, but her fresh face shows her natural beauty and charming freckles.

  “Hey,” I say, my voice sleepy, almost too dragged out.

  She smiles. “Hey, yourself. You look exhausted, Tex.”

  I chuckle at the way she scrunches her nose. “Didn’t sleep.”

  “Me either. We’ll match.” She yawns, covering it as she moves to let me in. “Dad’s in the shower. He’ll be out soon. Coffee?”

  I nod, even though my body is tingling with more nerves than my fingertips have. While she makes the coffee, I sit in an anxious stupor, waiting for something to blow up. That’s how my life always works.

  “What are you doing here?” I hear his gravelly voice sound out from nearby.

  Jerking my head, I gape, and my heart stops.

  It must be a trick. I left him last night. Am I asleep? Drunk? My eyes rake his frame. He’s in a buttoned-up shirt, and his near-black hair is wet and sexy, little wisps flicking in every direction. He looks as exhausted and as sad as I feel.

  His amber eyes meet mine.

  Lifeless. Loveless. Pissed.

  Wondering if I’m imagining things, I shake my head, which causes my hair to reveal part of my throat. A growl rumbles from my bartender.

  “Oh! Daddy, looks like you’ve met Tex.” She’s holding two mugs in her hand, giving one to me and one to him.

  It hits me that she just called him Daddy. Daddy? My eyes must look like fucking saucers because he offers a clipped nod, and I’m trying to hide my neck in the next breath.

  “Daddy, this is Texas Silver. Tex, this is Devin Loveless. My dad.”

  Devin. That’s my bartender’s name. Not bartender... Owner.

  I swallow. It’s more like a dry sand-papery gulp, forcing a uncomfortable pang and a soft hum to burst through my body simultaneously.

  He hasn’t stopped glaring, and his gaze is pointed at where he touched me last night. It’s like he’s angry but possessive. There’s this greedy and envious look in his eyes that has me shifting from foot to foot. It’s like he’s tearing off my clothes but choking me while he does it. I can’t tell if I’m terrified or aroused. Both? my treacherous mind offers.

  “Hello,” I try, failing at sounding normal. Putting my hands in my pockets, I watch as his attention roams lower, and I’m praying that he can’t see the stiffness I’m hiding.

  Prim smacks her dad’s chest lightly, not noticing his steely expression is for me because of last night and not for reasons she’s probably shuffling through.

  “Don’t be rude, Daddy.” He hands her his cup and steps toward me. Too close. Too fucking close. T-Too... close.

  She doesn’t know I’m gay.

  A shiver goes through me. With him so close, I’m ten times tenser than before.

  “Hello, little prince,” he whispers low enough for only me to hear.

  My dick jumps in my pants, straining against the fabric, wanting its master. His hot, heated body somehow emanates into mine, making me feel so many things I’m not allowed to feel about my best friend’s dad.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” he rumbles grumpily, loudly, wanting Prim to hear. “Primrose has said a lot about you.”

  “I-I, uh,” I stumble over a response. “She has?”

  “Daddy! Don’t be embarrassing,” she hisses from behind him.

  He steps away from me, giving me a look that isn’t decipherable. His face almost seems pained when she pulls me into her arms. She kisses my cheek, and it takes everything in me to not flinch at the sensation.

  He narrows his eyes at us both, honing in on me as if I’ve physically hurt him. And maybe I have. He asked for my name, and running was my only answer.

  Even my heart throbs from my actions, especially now. Prim never mentioned her dad is gay. Not that it would have ever came up, but she bleeds her truths and information without trying. She knows I’m not one to talk. I listen.

  “How was last night, Tex? I got worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

  Prim’s words are laced with offense. She’s right. I should’ve made sure to check-in. After all, she’s saving me. Or trying to.

  She pulls away, and her makeup-less face making more sense now. She stressed over me and this
meeting. I’m such a dick.

  Tipping her chin up, I try to convey how sorry I am. “I’m sorry, Prim. I am. I should have texted you, but I got caught up in my own issues.”

  Her eyes light up, and I let her go. She’s so understanding and caring. I feel like utter shit for making this harder on her.

  When my eyes meet Devin’s, every shade of envy and desire cover his features. Why and how did this happen? Was it fate fucking me or giving me the best outcome?

  Prim leads me to a couch, gesturing me to sit. As soon as I do, she sits next to me, her skin burning mine as it’s too close. Uneasiness has me wanting to move away, but what kind of friend does that?

  Touch doesn’t feel good to me like it does others. It makes me want to hide in my own skin, fade away from sensation. Except Devin. My bartender. Not once did my skin crawl, not once did he make me want to separate, not once did I feel the need to escape. His touch is different.

  He sits opposite of us, holding his mug tightly. His knuckles are so white that I know he’s feeling as affected as I do.

  Chapter Six

  DEVIN

  It takes every ounce of restraint to stay seated. My heels strain against the couch to keep me grounded. The way she squeezes his knee in comfort has me aching. Actual, physical, pure ache. His distress is visible when she touches him. It never occurred to me last night he didn’t enjoy being touched. He sank into me, not the opposite.

  It’s obvious now that Primrose likes him and not as a friend. Does she not know he’s into men? Into me...

  Maybe he’s in the closet too.

  It’s not surprising in this small town. How I missed ever meeting him has another sadness settling over me. Texas Silver. My little prince has a name.

  When we were close just now, just briefly, his bruises showing just barely, it was insanely hard not to take him, kiss him, and fuck him into submission. Tease his cock until it hurt for not giving me his name. Stave off his orgasm until he apologized for hurting me by leaving.

  I was troubled this morning, having to meet a guy who could be interested in my baby girl, not to mention losing the man I’d shared my body with carelessly, never realizing he was one in the same.

  The man my daughter is into and her best friend is the same one who took my cock deep inside his body last night. My entire system flares with an animalistic hunger to kiss him senseless, to claim him, to tell her he’s the one I’ve been looking for forever.

  It would ruin everything.

  For now, I’ll have to allow him to live here under the guise of helping him for her. In truth, I’m only looking at my interests and how to get him under my body again. She said he was kicked out? I’ve got an inkling I know exactly why.

  Wonder if he got caught with someone in his pants. A growl escapes at the imagery, catching my little prince’s attention. No, no one touched him. I can’t believe he would go from one person to me. Then again, he didn’t argue with me over last night. My heart snaps, crippled and beaten over an imagination I can’t keep at bay.

  When my eyes connect with him, it’s like he knows where my mind went. His eyes almost reassure with a surreal kind of innocence, settling me immediately.

  How can a conversation happen between the two of us so easily? Without words. Only amber and honey. Seamless and shameless beauty.

  “So, this is a little stiff,” Primrose states, making an awkward face. “We should have a conversation.”

  I look to Texas, seeing his posture uncomfortable and wanting nothing more than to sooth it.

  “I thought about it all day and night last night,” I enunciate the first night, and it almost looks like he stopped breathing in result. “He can stay.”

  She squeals, grabbing him in a tight hug that he doesn’t return. His pain saddens me.

  She pulls away. “See! This is great!”

  He nods solemnly. Why is this kid so sad? Why do I want to fix him?

  “You’ll start work tomorrow,” I add. “We can talk tonight about that. I’ll have Sandra and Landon cover for me.”

  “I’ve got spin class tonight. Can we resch—”

  “No, it’s okay. Texas and I will be okay,” I reassure her softly.

  He visibly relaxes next to her, and she doesn’t argue, but she seems disappointed.

  “Don’t worry your little head, Prim. I’ll be okay,” he says gently.

  Her body lights up at the softness in his tone.

  That’s what he does, lightens his voice to be gentle for her benefit. It’s apparent that he feels what she feels and maybe even catches what I feel.

  He’s empathetic while most people his age care less and less every year. I can’t help the warmth settling in my stomach at the knowledge of my little prince caring for my daughter. It’s a weird sensation that feels too close to love, but love this soon isn’t possible, right?

  “I’m going to go out and get some tea,” she pipes up a moment later. “If you can show Tex around the house while I’m gone, that’ll be great.”

  I smile at her, trying to show her I won’t hurt him.

  “Behave, Daddy.”

  A chuckle escapes me as inappropriate images of Texas bent over my bed infiltrate my head. Behaving is the last thing on my mind.

  “I’ll be good, baby girl.”

  Texas looks at me then with admiration. It practically knocks me off my feet. His eyes are glossy in a prideful way. It’s silent communication, but I hear it loudly. I love how you love our girl.

  She is our girl, isn’t she? It dawns on me that he could take care of her with me, love her alongside me, and be what she needs when I can’t be.

  “Bye, Tex.” She gets on her tiptoes and leaves a big kiss on his cheek then follows suit with me. “Text me your shopping list, Dad. I know you have one.” She giggles when I smile at her.

  “You do know your old man,” I muse.

  She gets her jacket and purse and heads out the door. As soon as her car door opens and closes, I’m on him. He doesn’t act surprised when I grip the back of his neck and force his lips to mine. My little prince falls into me as I take all my anger and disappointment out on his mouth. He shouldn’t have left, all it offered was a gaping hole inside me.

  Pulling back, he stares at me in both trepidation and wonder.

  “Why’d you leave?” I rasp, my voice laced with too much feeling. It’s too soon. I’ve never felt this way. Ever.

  “I-I couldn’t risk Prim finding out.”

  “Finding out what?” I ask, already knowing the answer. I’m hiding too.

  “That I’m gay,” he hisses. “Fuck.” He pulls off his beanie and runs a hand through his soft hair. “I’ve never said it out loud.”

  I stare at him in open shock. How not? Wouldn’t his—

  “Was that your first time?” I plead, not sure what for since he quite possibly gave me something treasured by most.

  “Yes.” It’s one word, but I see the importance in his eyes. “I’ve never wanted to risk it before...” He closes his eyes, and I want to touch him, hold him, reassure him in every way I can.

  My body hums when he touches my chest.

  “You came from nowhere.” It’s a whisper, but the words eradicate the fear from my body.

  Our lips meet again, this time not as frenzied. It’s more relaxed, absolute, giving me a peace, I didn’t know was possible to have.

  My phone rings, breaking us apart. Seeing it’s Prim makes my heart hammer unnaturally.

  “Hey, made it to Jubilees. I don’t see your list.”

  I try controlling my breathing, but a full-blown panic comes over me as I realize my daughter doesn’t know about either of us. This situation could get messy. Why isn’t it easy to just come out and tell her?

  “I-I’ll...” I choke on my words.

  Visions of her hatred clog my mind and mouth. Her mom understood easily, but when I’m with the guy Prim’s in love with, will she understand then?

  Not even a moment later, Texas pulls my phone
from me, understanding in his features.

  “Sorry, Prim. Your dad just stubbed his toe,” he lies easily. He lets out a fake chuckle that doesn’t meet his eyes. “We’re getting along great. Your dad is quite the talker. I’ll get it sent over. It’s in his note section on his phone? ‘Kay, got it.”

  He has this conversation with her as I attempt to control my breathing. By the time he hangs up, he’s checking my notes and sending it over. The fact that he’s in more control than me right now only shows he’s gone through this scenario before. He’s used to the panic, the reality of being caught.

  “You okay?” he asks, touching my chin as he did to her.

  Heat simmers in me. A new wave of pride overcomes me, and I’m kissing him again. He groans in my mouth, pushing me on my back, flat against the couch. His hands make use of my clothes, touching me where he couldn’t last night, exploring where he may have been too afraid to.

  He grinds into me, and my cock feels ready to slide into him again. Knowing he gave me his first time only furthers my rampant need to claim him again and again and again until my cock is the only one he’ll ever crave.

  “What is it about you?” I whisper against his cheek as he’s kissing my throat.

  He lifts a little, his sweet eyes shedding each layer of me in a single glance.

  “I’ve been asking myself all night. I-I’m sorry I ran,” he murmurs. Shame licks his features, but I understand now. It makes sense.

  “I never would have outed you,” I affirm, grabbing his jaw with resolution. “She doesn’t even know I’m gay.”

  My admission has him staring at me with fear.

  “She doesn’t even know about you?” he questions.

  It isn’t an accusation, but with his discomfort, I think it’s a scary revelation, as if I’m not telling her because of her reaction. It’s partially that, but it’s also because this town might talk about me for it. I’m already cast out by being divorced. Not that they should care or have a say. Putting Primrose in the spotlight keeps me in the closet just as much as dread.

  “Until last night,” I say slowly, gauging his reaction. “I didn’t feel the need to.”